Oh my god, I’m gonna die. I looked down, and I was covered.
Fifteen or fewer mosquito bites, though unbearable enough, are commonplace for me, the walking mosquito buffet who never remembers to bring bug spray. I hate seeing the outline of the raised bump and having to overcome succumb to the inevitable urge to scratch. And then having scabs that last for weeks after. Fifteen I can handle. This was not fifteen. This was nearing some significant order of magnitude. ECCHHHhhhh! I couldn’t even look at myself without feeling nauseous/repulsed.
What the hell is happening?!?! How could I have QUINTUPLED my bite count in the past 15 minutes without seeing any insects??
Shit, I have smallpox - was my first thought as a cool-headed, logical individual. My next thought was syphilis, but that was impossible for various reasons. All the diseases I had ever heard about (and some that hadn’t) raced through my head, and I was sure that this was going to be my ironic last day on earth – dying in such a repulsive way in one of the most luxurious hotel rooms I’ve ever seen. Omg omg omg. My world was crashing down around me and I was on the verge of hyperventilating from shock…so I did the only thing I could think of that could possibly make things better – I called my mom.
Mom: “Oh hey! How are you? How are your uncle and cousin?”
Me: [bursting into tears] Ohmygod ihavemosquitobiteseverywhere, idon’tseeanybugsbut ithinkimighthavesomethingserious!!!??!??!
Mom: “Wait, what was that? You see mosquitos? I think the reception’s not that great.”
Me: Ahhhhhhhh! I have bumps everywherrrrrrreeeee and they’re not going awwaaaayyyyy! I didn’t even see the bugsssss. I don’t know what to do I think I might be dying. I took a photo of my shoulder and am sending it to your inbox. Loook at itttttttt! Look at meeeee!
Mom: Okay okay, I’ll check my email. [pause] Ew. [chuckles] Aw, it’s okay, you have hives. What did you eat?
Me: …
* * *
Advice to future mothers of the world: When your offspring is freaking out about a physical condition or you see something that probably shouldn’t be there. Never say “Ew. Aw, it’s okay.” Those are two very different messages.
* * *
So it turns out I think I’m allergic to baijou, that infamous clear alcohol from my home country. I don’t think this is devastating news since I had no plans to partake of this potent liquid on a regular basis…but I totally did not see that coming. I’ve never had any issues with alcohol, the worst being the occasional leftover hangover, so hives were relegated to the section of possible explanations labeled “Things that happen to other people.”
After a long, long conversation with my mother, which ended in “You don’t need to wake up your uncle in the middle of the night unless you find that you can’t breathe,” I did feel much better, though the same cannot be said of my confidence in my mother’s grasp of constricted airways. I did take her advice: took a cold shower and made myself fall asleep. When I woke up all I found were reddish shadows of yesterday’s pox scare.
Currently I’m taking the Chinese equivalent of – what I hope is – Benedryl. I had a small glass of red wine today and I feel itchy again, though I’ve seen no signs of the bumps. What if I’m suddenly allergic to alcohol? Through some cursory Google-ing, it seems that this happens to people. Hmmmm….
wow i didn’t see that coming at all… awww simona :/
Oh noes! I hope you aren’t allergic and I hope you’re doing better.
This reminds me of something my Mom did (aside from trying to convince me that I was allergic to alcohol). I’ve let her cut my hair a few times. Advice to future mothers of the world: when cutting your daughter’s hair, don’t say “oops” after the first cut and hand your daughter a chunk of hair.
Ahhhhhhhhh… I went to see dermatologist about my hives, and she said antihistamines would help… but only after I take them every day for a few months.